


Inferno's wise words

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [354]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, prephlint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 03:31:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6178600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where a villain clears things up for Phil</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inferno's wise words

**Author's Note:**

> Phil wasn’t quite sure how he gets himself into these kinds of situations - he’s trained how to avoid this type of thing for fuck’s sake - but for some reason, he kept on being whoever the villain of the week’s target and is kidnapped. On good weeks, he manages to escape on his own with little to no casualty.

This was not one of those weeks.

He hasn’t slept in three days, he’s _way_  overworked, Fury is on his ass for the Avengers’ latest stunt, the WSC is demanding he be fired for something he probably didn’t do, the media is roasting him alive, the press (the trashier, loonier kind) is accusing him of being an alien not unlike Loki, and now, to top everything off, he’s been kidnapped by probably the greenest villain alive - the kid is what? 22?

“Perfect. This is absolutely perfect.” Phil complained whilst strapped to a chair facing the villain and his multitude of mismatched screens.

“Quiet over there!” The kid - _Inferno!! Call me Inferno, damn it._  - hissed as he continued to type things into his computer.

“Oh, shut up.” Phil rolled his eyes. “I would’ve gotten out of here already if this place wasn’t better than outside.” Phil looked around the frankly disgusting room with a frown. There were discarded pizza boxes everywhere. Empty beer bottles, leaky pipes, rundown stairs, a pile of old radios, target papers on the walls, a pile of probably dirty clothes. “You should really clean this place. It’s a pig sty.”

“I thought I told you to shut up?” Inferno was obviously irritated but what did he expect from tying Phil up with nothing to do? Sleep?

“I’m just saying. This place is as worse as Barton’s. Now, you should see his place. It’s in a constant state of mess. Every time I go there I get this urge to just clean everything but I can’t because then that would be rude, right? So I just suck it up and sit through whatever boring, unrealistic action flick he’s picked for the day because he’s my friend, and I want to see him happy.”

Inferno groaned, expecting Phil to take the hint but Phil didn’t stop. Why would he?

“And it’s not just his place either. He’s a complete mess. You know he’s never submitted an AAR on time? Not even once. He always, _always,_ has to wait until I have to drag him back to my office and force him to do his damn paperwork.” 

Inferno continued to type, trying to ignore Phil this time.

“That’s not all. He also constantly forgets to eat. I mean, I know I shouldn’t be one to talk, but dear lord, that man will starve himself one day. Trust me. You know he once forgot to eat a proper meal - lived only on protein bars - for a whole fucking week? Do you know why? Because he fucking forgot. Who the hell does that? How do you even _forget_  to eat for a whole week? If I hadn’t found out, he’d still probably be eating those godforsaken bars. You’d think he’d remember to eat considering the amount of carbs he burns training all the time.” 

“I don’t care.” Inferno gritted out. 

“And, oh my god, the way he treats everything like it’s a joke? Stresses me out, I swear.”

“I know the feeling.” Phil could hear Inferno roll his eyes.

“You know he almost died trying to disarm a bomb.” Phil said a matter of fact-ly “You know what the first thing he said to me was? He said ‘ _I think that counts a fission success, right boss?_ ’ I wanted to punch him so bad for scaring me. Jasper had to talk me out of going after him, the bastard. He always makes horrible puns like that.” Phil continued to complain, trying to remember all the things that made Clint so annoying. “He’s never on time when it comes to non-work occasions. He’s a total flirt. He enjoys riling me up. He takes me away from my work, _constantly_. He finds new and more creative ways to ‘bend’ the rules. He doesn’t eat potatoes unless they’re in tot or fry form. He’s left handed but does everything except writing with his right hand. He leans on the door after he closes it behind him - I still don’t know what that’s about. He signs everything with his initials and not a proper signature. He _only_  drinks his coffee straight from the pot. He’s never submitted his paperwork on time. He’s-”

“You already said that.” 

“What?” Phil asked, his train of thought gone now.

“The paperwork thing. You already said it.” Inferno sighed.

“Oh. Well, there’s still plenty of things about him that annoy me.” Phil pointed out.

Inferno sighed again, more dramatically this time, and turned his seat around to face Phil. “Look. You’re not convincing any one in this room.”

“I’m plenty convincing.” Phil defended, suddenly offended at the implication that _he_  wasn’t convincing. _Excuse you, you thrift store villain._

Inferno shook his head lightly. “You’re really not. You tell me you hate the guy, that he annoys you to hell and back, but you still claim to be his friend.” 

“That’s because he is.”

“See, with…” He paused as if to think of a good adjective “normal people, once they start to hate someone, or someone annoys them? They try to distance themselves. You’re doing the exact opposite.” Inferno shrugged. “You tell me that you hate these little quirks that he has, but really, nobody notices those things unless they’ve been watching the other person closely. It sounds to me like you’re trying to convince everyone that he annoys you in a futile attempt to convince yourself that you don’t like him.” 

Phil narrowed his eyes at the kid. “What are you trying to say?”

“Oh my G- Do I have to spell everything out for you?” Inferno groaned. “You’re in love with him. Duh?” He leaned forward to put emphasis on the ‘Duh’

As soon as Inferno finished his last word, he dropped to the ground like a limp noodle.

Phil noticed the dart sticking out from Inferno’s neck just as he heard the vents clatter open. Clint dropped down from the ceiling and handcuffed the kid before he turned to Phil. “Heya boss. Fancy meeting you here.” 

“We really should stop meeting like this.” Phil responded easily.

“But the normal way is _so_  boring.” Clint rolled his eyes dramatically, pulling out a knife from his pocket. When Phil was finally out of the ropes, he rubbed at his wrists. 

“Uh, how much of that did you hear, exactly?”

“What?” Clint asked, hoisting Inferno back in his seat.

“You know what.” 

“Well, let’s see. I heard you call my place a pig sty, uh, heard you complaining about my tardiness, um, you don’t like my puns.” Clint listed things off one by one with his fingers. “You have a deeply seated hatred for protein bars. You think I’m a flirt. You hate fries and tater tots. What else? Oh, and I also heard you tell this guy that you’re in love with me.” Clint grinned, the bastard.

“I never said that.” Phil pointed out. “I never confirmed that I’m in love with you.” 

Clint raised his eyebrows and puckered his lips, faux-thinking. “You didn’t? Well, I would’ve confirmed his suspicions if he told me I was in love with you, so.” Clint shrugged.

Phil frowned and narrowed his eyes at Clint. “Wait, you are?”

“What can I say? You annoy me too. There’s so many things you do that annoy me.” Clint said with enough sarcasm to kill a lion. “There’s the way you always chew with just the left side of your mouth. The way you drink your coffee is ridiculous. That little smile-pout thing you do when you’re trying not to smile at my ‘awful’ jokes…”

Phil shoved him, a smile already on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/140579426326/im-back-im-tired-and-i-think-im-about-to)


End file.
